Eeek

I’m feeling nervous, maybe a little exposed. This will be my sixth entry and I’ve only just recently made all of them public. Part of me thinks maybe I felt like I needed to prove myself before going public, so to speak.

At least that’s what I’ve tried to convince myself of. Time to be real about my fears going into all of this. First and foremost, I was initially afraid I would lose motivation. Well, three months later, I am still working out regularly and making overall wise food choices. Second, by making this blog public, I’m inviting criticism. That’s not necessarily what I want (though I will not dismiss it if it’s constructive and classy), but it comes with the territory. Just like doubters and trolls and just mean spirited folk. I’ve been trying to mentally prepare myself for it. I’m making myself vulnerable by doing this and that scares the crap out of me.

I’ve always been a good person. We all make mistakes, sure. As long as we learn and grow from them we can remain and will be good people so long as we choose to be. I’ve chosen to be a good person and I’ve made my mistakes and learned from them. Sometimes it’s hard to take the high road. It can be mentally and emotionally taxing. I’ve been called every cruel name I can think of. By people I love (albeit there was a drug problem with that one, didn’t lessen the sting), by people who used to be my friends, strangers, etc. I’m allowing myself to step into that again and it’s terrifying for me. My emotional side thinks I’m nuts. My analytical side says it’s good, get past that fear. If it happens it happens, they don’t know YOU.

I don’t even have a following or a band of readers right now and I may very well never will. Who knows. I can’t sit here and be anxious about something I only ever really intended to be a place for me . Some place I could track my progress, rant, post recipes I don’t want to forget. A time capsule of what will someday never be again. It’s not for anyone but me. I need to remember that.

That being said, my trend this week seems to be facing fears. Not only on the fitness and well-being side of things, but also within some touchy areas & subjects with family. So far, even though my stomach has been in nervous knots, I mostly feel better about my braver choices. It feels good to be able to be real with people.

As Hubby always reminds me on Tuesdays(weigh-in and measurements), this journey will have peaks and valleys.  So, hopefully, I will have the wisdom and insight to enjoy my peaks and the strength to endure, learn from and conquer the valleys.

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