Tuckered out

Well, it happened. My body gave up on me today, well technically yesterday, and I was forced into an afternoon hiatus with my bed.

I suppose it sounds great but I’m always a little disappointed when this happens. It means I’ve been go-go-going too hard. It means there are areas in which I am neglecting myself. I could feel it happening. I did mention to my husband over the weekend that I was losing steam. Then on Tuesday I was pretty silent all day, which is rare because I am usually singing loud, somewhat inappropriate parodies to the household (we have fun). My husband even said he was worried because I guess a couple hours had passed and I said nothing.

Last night I still couldn’t sleep well. The boy went down after 9pm, we didn’t get to dinner until around 10pm… It takes so long to decompress after a full day with your kid(s). Plus it’s always so loud. We live in a loud area. I am loud, my husband is loud, our son is louder. Sometimes I can’t hear myself think. I’ve spent my whole life around loud, I just desperately need quiet. Maybe that’s subconsciously why I can’t sleep; I’m waiting to enjoy silence.

It sounds weird to most, maybe, but I can really feel peoples energies and emotions. An empath, of you will. I don’t try to, it just happens. Not like reading minds or anything, but I can likely and quickly deduce what kind of mood most anybody is in. Plus, most times I can feel what they’re feeling be it grief, anger, happiness, etc. especially if it is a friend or family. It can be overwhelming. I try to keep myself level as a result. So, for that, I really look forward to quiet time, which happens to be when everyone in the house has gone to sleep.

I feel like I gotta explain that last bit, before anyone writes me off as nuts. My neighbor passed away recently and we went to her funeral last week. She came home a week before she died from the hospital so, they’ve basically had a TON of family in and out ever since. While I also felt their joy as a family to have spent her last week with her, I can definitely feel/have felt all that sorrow as well and it takes its toll. I think I’ve been “go-go-going” as a way to work on buffering some of that. While I’ve enjoyed the productivity of it all, my body decided to come to a complete halt.

Rebooting……. ….. ….

Anyway, so here I am now. It is 1am on Thursday morning. I hope this cycle doesn’t repeat, at least not immediately. I don’t feel much like writing about my routine, that seems like a daytime thing. I do want to talk about trying my hand at growing stuff. Food, flowers, you know.

I’m trying to get my urban garden on. I don’t mind getting my hands dirty, learning a thing or two and having some hard work, love and care grow in my backyard for my family’s sustenance. Besides, when we move I’d like to already have some experience under my belt so my own yard won’t be my very first experiment. These pots ought to do for now. My fraternal grandmother apparently had something of a Green Thumb and if my sprouted beefsteak tomato seedlings and dwarf sunflower seedlings are any indication, perhaps I’ve got one too. Though, I truly feel anyone can do it, much like drawing, with enough patience. Perhaps it is wishful thinking, who knows.

In  the morning I will be transplanting these bad boys into bigger pots as they’ve outgrown their seedling pots. Then! I can get more seedlings started. My mother-in-law bought Basil seeds and left them on the counter, so I suppose she would like me to plant them, ha. I’m not sure what I will do next beside the Basil. Probably these hot red peppers and some others. I have a small stockpile of seeds to go through.

I’m really excited about the Dwarf Sunflowers.. I hope they continue to grow. I started them specifically for my neighbor, whose wife just died (the aforementioned). Her favorite flower was the sunflower and all of her children and grandchildren had one at the service, it was quite beautiful. Having felt all that sorrow, I literally don’t have any words for him. We brought some food the day she died. It just doesn’t feel like enough. I don’t think I could ever say enough either, at least not properly. I hope these Dwarf Sunflowers will bring him some joy. I hope he doesn’t think it is weird. This is what I do. It isn’t like I’m walking the plant over tomorrow anyway, I want to make sure it flourishes (and will continue to) and grows before I present it to he and likely the family over at the time. In case anyone was curious, I chose the Dwarf instead of regular because we live in an area that is more like one-story condos than houses. No “real” backyards with grass and all that.

I really want a giant garden someday. A vegetable garden, a flower garden, an orchard of fruit trees. Ah, someday. I can’t wait.

Gotta start somewhere though, right?


Weigh-In & Stats

I was good and didn’t weigh late this week or skip out on my measurements.. even though, you know, it’s not the best time for them.

Alas, here we go:

Starting Weight: 261.2lbs
Weight Last Week: 229.7lbs
Current Weight: 227.5lbs
Weekly Loss: 2.2lbs
Total Loss: 33.7lbs
Inches Trimmed Since 6/3: 6 inches
Total Inches Trimmed: 36 inches

So, I hadn’t measured in three weeks, I guess. Whoops. We measured my 19 month old today and he is 32.5″ tall and weighs 30.2lbs… I’ve officially lost my toddler in weight and height and then some. Don’t worry, I’m not obsessed with my child’s height and weight, I just thought it would be nice to write it in his baby book since there are many months I don’t have, plus everything was out and he was somewhat cooperative.. Ha. This also means my boy is over half my height already……………………

Anyway, on all the BMI charts out there, I am no longer in the “Morbidly Obese” category, just regular obese, haha! I have used two different body fat % calcs and one developed by the US Navy (using: weight, hips, waist, wrist and forearm), puts me at 27.61%. This BMI calculator app, (using age, height, waist, neck and hips) puts me at 48.14%.  It seems like a pretty big difference, I just wish I knew which one is more accurate. I did some weird elbow measurement to try and help determine my frame size, and no surprise, I fall in large frame category. Which means where I think I want to be and will feel comfortable weight-wise is a realistic and healthy range for me. My BMR using the Harris Benedict Equation vs the app were roughly the same. So I don’t know. Perhaps too much information at my fingertips.  Whatever the case, it is all far better than it was just over four months ago.

Four months! It feels like so long but it went so fast. I don’t know if it is my Gemini duality but I have battles like this on the daily with myself. People, at least by word of mouth, don’t let ‘you’ know what the hell else comes along with weight loss, getting fit and getting healthy. Nobody tells you it’s emotional as f_ck. Or about fat girl syndrome when looking into the mirror. No one talks about weird, lumpy, in-between phases, about the sourpusses who still stare at you in the store like a fatty and all you want to yell is “SHOULDA SEEN ME 33LBS AGO!”

This is all stuff for a later time and more appropriate post, perhaps tonight. Time to get a sammich ready for the little!

Father’s Day Latepost – Food edition

My husband is a foodie, so my lifestyle change has been a bit rough on him. He misses all the delicious fried stuff, Carl’s Jr. burgers, baked goods – specifically donuts and his love, pizza. I have never been a big fan of that stuff myself, so it hasn’t been as hard for me to reduce how much of it I eat.

Though he doesn’t miss the 20+ pounds he has lost by association and being a trooper, I could not let Father’s Day pass without something delicious and mostly healthy!

Breakfast: Homemade whole wheat waffles with berries, cool whip and maple syrup.

King Arthur Whole Wheat Waffles

These came out SO good. I was skeptical, probably because I had never made homemade waffles before, haha. I already had King Arthur Whole wheat flour, though that’s not why I chose this recipe. It just seemed simple and all the reviews/comments were super positive. I made the recipe as intended (used butter not vegetable oil) and they came out great. Almost even better the next day toasted again. My husband loved them and my 18 month old son even ate some! Plus, the nutrition information was at the end there so it was easy to enter it into MyFitnessPal for tracking. Guilty free waffles? Yes & yum.

Lunch: Lunch was no big deal, as far as recipes go. He wanted a burger, so a burger (and chips, baked BBQ lays, I did not partake. I don’t like chips and when I do, I like Salt and Vinegar!). I used Orowheat Onion buns, which are crazy delicious and not terrible for you, depending on your personal carb intake. They had to be ready for the World Cup game at 2:30 that day. But lets be real, he has pretty much had the World Cup on, even in Spanish, everyday.

Dinner: By dinner, hubs was feeling woozy. But that was because of the pre-Fathers Day celebratory cheese cake bites I had gotten him the night before. He ate them all. Well, I had two. But ya know.

I live in California and have access to artichokes almost always. I had a childhood friend introduce me to artichokes and all I could remember was the dipping sauces. Awhile back I wanted to find a way to make a killer artichoke without needing to dip it.

How to Make (and Eat) a Perfect Steamed Artichoke

This is your jam. Metaphorically. No dipping needed, perfect. This is the second time I tried this approach and hubs and I were both in artichoke heaven. My only gripe is I had only bought one artichoke because I usually can’t finish a whole one. So I had to step down when it came to the heart. I added fresh lime juice to this as well as the lemon juice… Dude.

Just dude. Try this out. It will make you a super fan. This is not all we had for dinner but I feel this has gone on long enough.

Dessert: As mentioned previously, husband likes baked goods. I couldn’t let him go without a fresh, hot dessert to cap off Father’s Day weekend. I also couldn’t completely let us go balls out because we are doing so well. So, I decided to make a recipe I had found on WebMD awhile back, had tried and liked:

Apple Cranberry Crisp

It is not the official name, it’s the name I gave it. I found this recipe doing a random search about cranberries a few months ago. Apple’s, cranberries, yummy crispy crust stuff. YUM. I used the King Arthur whole wheat flour for the crust in this. The recipe doesn’t specify white or whatever flour, so I still used the nutritional information on their page for MyFitnessPal – if anything we had a little leeway.

We topped that with cool whip and had a small side of Dreyers Vanilla Chocolate Swirl Yogurt Blends. 🙂

A successful food Father’s Day indeed. It’s been fun and mostly successful turning holiday favorites into something healthy everyone can enjoy without the guilt at the end of the day or a brick in the stomach!

Late Weigh-in and health worry rant

I’ve been super busy since just before Father’s Day! I’ve sat down to blog a few times and could never finish. Here’s to hoping this one makes it!

Starting Weight: 261.2lbs
Weight Last week: 230lbs
Current Weight: 229.7lbs
Weekly Loss/gain: 0.3lbs
Total Loss: 31.5lbs

Well, I broke the 230s, not by much but I did it! The weekend festivities didn’t get me down as far as bad food or anything, I just couldn’t seem to get all my water in (close, but that doesn’t count) for like five days. I could feel the dehydration and retention. So, I will take the small loss.

Now, I want to talk about something that is bothering me. Like, personal, scary bothering me.

When I went to the doctor last week, I made her feel a lump on my chest that I had noticed two days prior after taking off my bra and the area being sore (it’s mid way between my collarbone and boob on the left side). She agreed it was odd, said she would request an authorization for an ultrasound and that I should schedule a breast exam with my OB just to be sure. At the time, I figured it could be just a fatty cyst, after all, this journey has made my body do some weird stuff so far.

Come Monday of this week, I go to feel the area again. Now it feels like there are up to three little lumps and there’s this weird texture between them under the skin. There is no discoloration, the area IS sore and sometimes even hurts depending what I am doing when I am working out.

So naturally, now I am a little more freaked out. I couldn’t get into see my OB until 7/2. Then, today, I get a voice mail from a place with “Imaging and Oncology” in the business name and freak the fuck out. Like, didn’t realize how worried I was about it freak out. And still, the earliest appointment with them isn’t until 7/3 so. Shitballs.

I realize they still could just be fatty cysts, my mom had something similar and benign in her boobies a few years ago. They could also be muscle knots I guess from my son throwing his entire being onto my entire being on the daily.

It is, however, ultimately really scary that it could be something that I can’t just brush off. I can’t shake that part and my anxiety is happening in serious waves.

I don’t want to make a mountain out of a mole hill – but I also don’t want to dismiss the mountain just in case that’s the deal. I don’t know how to find a balance of worry and don’t worry ’til you see the doc between now and then.

I talked to my mom about it and she kind of brushed it off. My sister, though, has been totally on my ass, in a good way, about asking me who I’ve heard back from, ha.

So, there you have it. I’m trying my best and doing pretty well about keeping most everything else on track in the meantime. I’ve been tracking as accurately as possible on MyFitnessPal (drop me your email so I can add you!), getting my workouts in 5-6 days a week. In fact, I added lateral raises to my strength routine last week as well as a 8lb dumbbell to my squats this week. Adding in moderation.

I am really missing my family and friends.

Late Weigh-In post

This past week has been awfully busy. I’m getting ready for it to wind down, though!

So, let’s get to it! I did not do measurements on Tuesday because we honestly forgot, haha. But I’m finally okay with missing a week of numbers now and again. I did weigh though:

Starting Weight: 261.2lbs
Weight Last Week: 233.2lbs
Current Weight: 230.6lbs
Weekly Loss: -2.6lbs
Overall Total Loss: -30.6lbs

So, pretty neat, eh? Finally broke 30lbs down and I am almost out of the 230s!

I would also like to report that I am currently wearing an XL sized Pure Energy tank top from Target (the “Women’s” dept. still), not a 2X or a 3X. I also purchased an “XXL” Merona shirt  from the regular ladies department and IT FITS.


And as weird as it feels to type about it, my Doctor snipped off a bunch of tiny skin tags around my neck today. I had asked her about it last week and she said OK like it was no big deal. They hadn’t bothered me before my son discovered them and started trying to pull them off. Not cool.

Anyway, I wasn’t expecting to have to weigh at the Docs, but I did. It was at 230 even! I will attribute that to having been dehydrated and retaining h2o.

Bonus weekly loss: .6lbs
Bonus (new) Overall Loss: 31.2lbs

Bonus, haha. Well I guess it’s a bonus for me, anyway, since I wasn’t prepared for it and the appointment wasn’t even until 4:30.

Today became a rest day be accident. I’m okay with it as my legs are seriously thanking me for not putting them through much aside from the usual house, store, doctor, toddler things. They feel SO much better – I took a nap with my son, which I don’t normally do because I’m not normally a napper. It was so therapeutic on so many levels.

Some progress pictures for hitting 30+ lost!




So, I am Thirty, now.  A lot happened in my twenties so I am anxious to see what this decade has in store.

I didn’t go nuts on my birthday with food. I did track everything on My FitnessPal and still came under my calorie goal for the day. I saved myself for dinner. It was a little potato salad, a green salad, veggies and a 6oz filet mignon followed by Breyers Carb Smart vanilla ice cream and homemade, cooked greem apples with a little cinnamon and brown sugar. I’ve never been a cake person, or even a pastry person but I LOVE ice cream. I feel like I should mention that I traded my Sunday rest day to Saturday as a gift to self. I did make up my ride on Sunday.

In somewhat celebration and definitely, 100% of out of necessity, I took myself to Kohls today since my mother-in-law basically gave me real life Monopoly money (Kohls Cash, it was my first time). It was $50, so I figured I could find a pair of pants.

I basically gave myself a panic attack upon entering the store. I was instantly overwhelmed. It has been a LONG time since I have shopped for myself, besides for sports bras and shoes. I have been stuck in a 22w-24w pant for
.. at least a decade. I put these pants on now and at first they fit okay, but thirty minutes later they’re falling off my ass like its their job. But that initial “they fit okay” feeling had me thinking, as I am standing there bravely staring down an 18 that there was no way (while pulling up my pants every two seconds), even though I’m almost 30lbs down, that I fit into anything smaller than a 22. The logical side of me told me to suck it up and see what happens ’cause I was being a wuss, totally.

So what the hell did I do? I grabbed a pair of 16s, too. Holy shit.

Well, I am pleased to report that I fit, comfortably bending and sitting, in those size 18 pants. Daaaaaaaang, girl. I attempted the 16s and while I could get them on and buttoned/zipped just fine, they were still tight around the thigh, weren’t comfortable to sit in and muffin top, my friend. BUT, I am not far away from them. So, I grew a pair and decided to purchase them both since they were 70% off and an additional 25% at the register. I then grabbed some crazy, comfy Champion high impact sports bra. It was $46, but it was completely worth it. So between the discounted jeans (which came out to $29 for the two), the bra and the Kohls cash, I only spent $25 out of pocket and had a savings of $143. Isn’t that NUTS?

They were Jennifer Lopez jeans, not that it mattered to me. I just liked the cut, feel and color initially.

It felt pretty good, I must say, to finally know for sure I was out of the 20s. As irony would have it, when I got home I had a birthday card in the mail from my mom with a $30 gift card to Kohls. Ha! For another time!

I also scored some new dumbbell weights for my birthday so I am looking forward to incorporating new sets into my strength days.

Tomorrow…. Or, I guess later today at this point, I am looking forward to hitting up the grocery store. We have run out of most everything! I was able to really stretch the budget in May, hoping to be able to do the same or better for June.

Late Night With B.

So, not only is my birthday coming up, so is my nephews! Two days after mine.

This time two years ago I started hand making birthday cards for my nieces and nephews, I have seven of them. Two years ago I was pregnant, not working and had a lot of down time due to my pregnancy-long morning sickness. Making cards was personal, fun, worked my creative muscle and was cost effective. I could hammer these cards out in a 6-10 hour session depending on what it was. They still take that long, but it is so hard to find chunks of time throughout several days to do. Alas it has been completed, which is great since I will see him tomorrow morning:



The right side is obviously writing space, which has since been filled.

Boy loves him some Sonic the Hedgehog. I, too, in fact. I remember playing it on the Sega Genesis. Or how about Echo the Dolphin for Sega CD? WTF? Eff that game and its weird difficulty.  I got stuck in the 16-bit SNES era. Games lack intense, quality stories nowadays. Not like I have time for them anymore anyway, but sometimes I do long for a serious nerd sesh with some Chrono Trigger or something.

This has gone on too long. Anyway, I’m up late because I wanted to finish the card. Otherwise I had a pretty good day on Thursday.

I had my Doctors appointment and it was probably the best one I can ever remember having. She was stoked I had a list of stuff to ask her in front of me, she was happy with my weight loss and says I’m losing at a good pace for me. She also said I was an excellent patient and said it was refreshing to see someone taking control of their health and being prepared with questions ahead of time. So that was really good to hear. My blood work from March still showed slightly elevated LDL (166 in Dec to 135 in March, normal range being 0-99), but had lowered a lot without medication, which I am trying to avoid.

After discussing diet and exercise in length we both determined medication still wasn’t necessary and she wants to wait another 3 months to check again to make sure my body chemistry is completely adjusted. She refused to talk “goal weight” with me, stating the obvious everyone is differently structured. So, I’m okay with that. Right now the obvious smaller goal is to get under 200lbs. She said the amount of time I workout per week is good, to remember literally everything in moderation. It was nice to work with my Doctor instead of being talked at by one.

Oh, I forgot to mention… I don’t normally weigh more than once a week but, today I just HAD to know what my home scale said versus the scale at the Doctors. I am happy to report that both of them said 233lbs even, which is .2 down from Tuesday and 28.2lbs down total. 🙂 Sweet!

Anyway, as a result of the visit to the doctor, our day got pushed way, way back. I didn’t jump on the bike til late (but I did!), went to the store late, late dinner for the baby – which means ultra cranky, bratty baby at bedtime. After he went down at 8, I was pretty much assembling that card. I think I ate dinner? I haven’t tracked properly on MFP today… I am WAY under calorie goal for Thursday. I will finish it before I go to sleep.

Which I would like to do. Quite soon!