Tuckered out

Well, it happened. My body gave up on me today, well technically yesterday, and I was forced into an afternoon hiatus with my bed.

I suppose it sounds great but I’m always a little disappointed when this happens. It means I’ve been go-go-going too hard. It means there are areas in which I am neglecting myself. I could feel it happening. I did mention to my husband over the weekend that I was losing steam. Then on Tuesday I was pretty silent all day, which is rare because I am usually singing loud, somewhat inappropriate parodies to the household (we have fun). My husband even said he was worried because I guess a couple hours had passed and I said nothing.

Last night I still couldn’t sleep well. The boy went down after 9pm, we didn’t get to dinner until around 10pm… It takes so long to decompress after a full day with your kid(s). Plus it’s always so loud. We live in a loud area. I am loud, my husband is loud, our son is louder. Sometimes I can’t hear myself think. I’ve spent my whole life around loud, I just desperately need quiet. Maybe that’s subconsciously why I can’t sleep; I’m waiting to enjoy silence.

It sounds weird to most, maybe, but I can really feel peoples energies and emotions. An empath, of you will. I don’t try to, it just happens. Not like reading minds or anything, but I can likely and quickly deduce what kind of mood most anybody is in. Plus, most times I can feel what they’re feeling be it grief, anger, happiness, etc. especially if it is a friend or family. It can be overwhelming. I try to keep myself level as a result. So, for that, I really look forward to quiet time, which happens to be when everyone in the house has gone to sleep.

I feel like I gotta explain that last bit, before anyone writes me off as nuts. My neighbor passed away recently and we went to her funeral last week. She came home a week before she died from the hospital so, they’ve basically had a TON of family in and out ever since. While I also felt their joy as a family to have spent her last week with her, I can definitely feel/have felt all that sorrow as well and it takes its toll. I think I’ve been “go-go-going” as a way to work on buffering some of that. While I’ve enjoyed the productivity of it all, my body decided to come to a complete halt.

Rebooting……. ….. ….

Anyway, so here I am now. It is 1am on Thursday morning. I hope this cycle doesn’t repeat, at least not immediately. I don’t feel much like writing about my routine, that seems like a daytime thing. I do want to talk about trying my hand at growing stuff. Food, flowers, you know.

I’m trying to get my urban garden on. I don’t mind getting my hands dirty, learning a thing or two and having some hard work, love and care grow in my backyard for my family’s sustenance. Besides, when we move I’d like to already have some experience under my belt so my own yard won’t be my very first experiment. These pots ought to do for now. My fraternal grandmother apparently had something of a Green Thumb and if my sprouted beefsteak tomato seedlings and dwarf sunflower seedlings are any indication, perhaps I’ve got one too. Though, I truly feel anyone can do it, much like drawing, with enough patience. Perhaps it is wishful thinking, who knows.

In  the morning I will be transplanting these bad boys into bigger pots as they’ve outgrown their seedling pots. Then! I can get more seedlings started. My mother-in-law bought Basil seeds and left them on the counter, so I suppose she would like me to plant them, ha. I’m not sure what I will do next beside the Basil. Probably these hot red peppers and some others. I have a small stockpile of seeds to go through.

I’m really excited about the Dwarf Sunflowers.. I hope they continue to grow. I started them specifically for my neighbor, whose wife just died (the aforementioned). Her favorite flower was the sunflower and all of her children and grandchildren had one at the service, it was quite beautiful. Having felt all that sorrow, I literally don’t have any words for him. We brought some food the day she died. It just doesn’t feel like enough. I don’t think I could ever say enough either, at least not properly. I hope these Dwarf Sunflowers will bring him some joy. I hope he doesn’t think it is weird. This is what I do. It isn’t like I’m walking the plant over tomorrow anyway, I want to make sure it flourishes (and will continue to) and grows before I present it to he and likely the family over at the time. In case anyone was curious, I chose the Dwarf instead of regular because we live in an area that is more like one-story condos than houses. No “real” backyards with grass and all that.

I really want a giant garden someday. A vegetable garden, a flower garden, an orchard of fruit trees. Ah, someday. I can’t wait.

Gotta start somewhere though, right?


4 thoughts on “Tuckered out

  1. Learn to shield out others’ emotions. I know exactly what you mean and it almost drove me batshit many years ago. Also, jelly of your urban garden! Get it!!

    • Glad somebody gets it! I used to have better control before I had my son. My chemistry is different having gone through pregnancy and childbirth… Not uncommon, I just feel like I keep discovering one thing after the next. Patience, grasshoppa!

      I planted sweet basil and cucumber seeds today! Tomorrow probably chives and carrots. My MIL is 83, so on top of having it ready in her backyard before we move for fresh food, it will also give her something to do as far as caring for them. That’s the idea/hope anyway. Got a pep in her step for a seasoned gal!

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