Weigh-In

Let’s get to it:

Starting Weight: 261.2lbs
Weight 2 Weeks Ago: 223.8lbs
Today’s Weight: 223.3lbs
2 week loss: 0.5lbs
Total Loss (since Feb 2014): 37.9lbs

I knew it wouldn’t be a big loss. I consider myself a logical person overall but I cannot apply my logic to myself to ease some of the disappointment when it comes to weigh ins. I know I’m building muscle right now, I can surely feel it happening. Muscle is replacing the fat that is burning, offsetting any weight loss at this time. I get it, I really do… so, why does it still feel like a failure?

More importantly, when and how will I get past beating myself up over this stuff and seeing it for the victory that it is? I would tell anybody congratulations on that loss and remind them of the body chemistry happening, because it’s true and “you’ll see, in a couple weeks the scale will start to drop again. Don’t even worry!” It’s. All. True.

Oh me, oh my, I ought to stab myself in the eye.

I am the only person putting so much pressure on myself. I have my reasons of course and they’re mostly reasonable. I have to remember, that while this is a lifelong journey, I have alloted sufficient time (barring dedication level), for a shorter-long-term goal. I want healthy eating to be enjoyable and a habit. I want working out to be something I look forward to, to be something challenging without feeling so taxing mentally, emotionally and physically. I want to be STRONG. I want all of these things to manifest to habit before the hubs and I plan on another baby. Of course I’d like to be under 200lbs with enough pregnancy gain room not to go back over 200. I only gained 24lbs with my son.

I don’t want to be an obese pregnant woman again, I want to feel strong during labor and delivery and I especially don’t want to be in a position where I need to lose over a hundred pounds post-pregnancy, again. I want my son and any of his future siblings to remember me as a strong woman, physically and otherwise. I will tell them exactly why I have weird, loose skin.

I will be my own super hero. So I guess now, I need to find a way to filter out all the negative because I am actually making progress and if I can’t or won’t acknowledge that and work on it, I really can’t expect to see results now can I?

It’s a long, strange journey. I am still so surprised by how emotional it can be.

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