So, we went for that walk last night….

We got out for our walklast night. We were 3/4 of the way through and my son starts reaching from the stroller to my shorts pocket (which were several sizes too big and no extra cash to shop!).

Anyway, this happened



Of course, I didn’t even realize it until hours later when I reached feverishly into my pocket to silence an alarm. I quickly figured out what had happened. The tips of my fingers have paid the price!  So now, I have the original plastic sheet on it that came with the phone; what functions are where, etc. It’s quite… Busy. Scrolling is hard and lumpy and scary. Good thing I have insurance on it!

Oh, wait, I just don’t have an extra $99 lying around for the deductible to replace it right now. D’oh! Oh well. Sir Janky-Looking phone for awhile, I suppose.

It is the first time I’ve ever busted a screen or a phone and not have it be water damage… Which has only happened twice before in my 15 years of cell-phone ownership. 15 years? Shit. Pretty good track record though!.:D


Weigh-in Day

Hello, Tuesday. Let’s check in:

Starting Weight Feb 2014: 261.2lbs
Weight Last Week: 211.9lbs
Current Weight: 211.2lbs
Weekly Loss: 0.7lbs
Total Loss: 50.0lbs



An even fifty, at that! I feel pretty good, I am feeling motivated again, I feel stronger than ever. I just drank some energy tea to make sure I get my walk in tonight with my family!

It turns out, sharing my experience on Facebook recently, turned out to be a really good, good thing. A couple of friends have since reached out to me to both congratulate and ask for tips. One was on her way already, so we will be workout buddies from afar, and the other straight up called me inspiring! What the what?! Floored. Just floored. Now she’s pumped to get healthy and we’ve been talking realistic goals and workouts for now. I can’t even believe it. I am so glad I punched that fear in the face and shared my journey thus far with everyone if it has helped anyone in the slightest.

My cousin has also stated she would like to be my “recycler” as my new/old clothes don’t fit, I will ship them off to her! I’m glad it will work out like this. She more than helped me years back and this is literally the very least I can do for her. More when I can in the future!

Anyway, a major milestone hit. I did it! Lest I forget, there is much more work to still be done.

For now I leave you with new progress pictures!




I wish I had a better back picture and from when I started but I don't! Had to mess with the contrast since it was so blurry.

That’s Braktastic!

“Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!” Oh, Brak.

Space Ghost Coast to Coast, anyone? Eh?

It’s been an interesting week, to say the least. First and foremost, a health update! I had a breast ultrasound on 8/13 and got my results back this week: no abnormalities! Still waiting on an appointment or approval letter about the liver thing, though (spot was found during abdominal ultrasound while checking for gallstones, of which there were none). One less thing! I also decided to check my sugar before I ate one morning and I was at 104, excellent. Not that I was worried, I was just curious.

I didn’t get in nearly enough workouts this week but I didn’t eat like crap either, so I guess we will see how things pan out on Tuesday.  My lack of workouts as of late, however, did prompt me to announce to my Facebook friends and family what I’ve been up to and how much I’ve lost and all that. I think I did it as a way to continue to keep myself accountable since I’ve been feeling a bit lackluster. The response was a little overwhelming, positively so. I still don’t know how to react to compliments, though I tried my best to remain simple and humble and not dismiss my own progress. So, now everyone I care to know about it, does.

I found homes for clothing, finally. I sent a lot of my old clothes (in good condition, of course) home with my sister to be dropped off with my sister-in-law as she is dropping the pounds as well and my sizes were up her alley. I sent a package with three pair of brand new jeans that I couldn’t use to my cousin in Oregon, along with a nightgown I barely used in my third trimester of pregnancy. Also, a funky gold sweater found a home in a girl I know here locally, through the Circle K convenience store. She is sweater obsessed, I sent her a picture, she loved it, so I brought it by on her birthday of all days. She has since left Circle K and started at a salon since finishing beauty school. I’ve asked if she wouldn’t mind chopping my locks and she said could do it in-home. WHAT? Friggin’ sweet. My hair hasn’t been cut in…. Well, at the end of this month it will have been a full year. So, it’s pretty long (it isn’t grody, I don’t blow dry or put after shower products in my hair) and I think I want it cut to my shoulders, which feels really short to me. I’m excited though!

Those sunflowers I was growing bloomed, they’re so pretty. As I mentioned before, I grew them from seed for my neighbor after his wife passed away – her favorite flower. With one bud left to open, we brought them over yesterday to gift to the neighbor. I was so nervous, I hoped he would get it. Boy, did he get it. I guess we couldn’t have stopped in on a better day. He’d been having a rough time, the shock-fog was finally lifting and rearranging or stopping things he used to do (like calling his wife at breaks and lunch) are hard for him to get used to. He patted his chest and said, “this was her favorite flower.. I really needed this today. I just couldnt get into anything today but this.. this is good. Thank you so much.” I felt that wave and I was impressed with his ability to maintain in the moment. We left shortly after that, of course not without having said hello to his daughters, grandsons and their golden retriever (who reminded me of my own childhood retriever, Penny).

I also managed to send out school supplies to my niece and nephews this week. 🙂

I’m glad I didn’t chicken out this week. I did publish that post to my friends and family, I did reach out to people to inquire about awesome clothes and I’ve been able to help 3 gals and score a free at-home hair cut and I did bring that pot of flowers over and visit and talk instead of leaving them at the doorstep with a well-written card.

So, while I may have not been as active, I still feel like a lot was accomplished this week. A lot of fear facing and self-forced social situations that ended nicely. It’s as much in our heads as it is on our bodies!

Now, for fun, the aforementioned third trimester nightgown I was modeling for my cousin:


Don't mind the toys, I have an almost two year-old. Or my face. This picture was meant just for my cousin until I saw my own progress in it, LOL.

Also, if you aren’t using the Cartwheel app for Target, you are missing out on savings:

No, not endorsing..  just passing on savings tips!

Weigh-in Day

‘Sup Tuesday?

I know I didn’t do a weigh in post last week. I had been battling the sadsies and a lot of anxiety due to… Well, that doesn’t matter. I’m pulling myself together anyway, that’s what matters!

Last week I was up +0.7lbs putting me at 215.6lbs. I really beat myself up over it even though I knew I was retaining. I have to stop that, seriously. It’s such detrimental behavior. I had even thought of not posting here at all that I was up a tiny bit but I’m not here to lie to anyone, let alone myself and personal chronicles, about what it is really like to be on a massive weight/health journey. It literally has its ups and downs.

Starting Weight Feb 2014: 261.2lbs
Weight Last Week: 215.6lbs
Current Weight: 211.9lbs
Weekly Loss: 3.7lbs
Total Loss: 49.3lb

Seems like a big loss, but like I said, I knew I was retaining. Anyway, I beat myself up for nothing, again, last week. I track everything, I am exercising and I am working on me – that’s all I can do! Need to be nicer to myself from here on out.

So now, I am just under the threshold of the 50lbs down mark and 12lbs away from 199.9lbs. In six months! No gimmicks, just hard work. That’s roughly 8.2 pounds lost per month, which is healthy.

Gotta keep my mojo, I imagine it will be harder to lose as there is less to lose…. 🙂

Pan the Man

I was on the phone with my sister when I found out Robin Williams had died. Sincerely, I had hoped it was a nasty prank but alas, truth.

I’ve never before been so impacted by a ‘celebrity’ death. I can’t stop the hurt my heart is feeling over this one, like my very own kin has passed. The sorrow I feel over his depression and his counter of being able to make the entire world smile and laugh is almost too much. It feels so real and it really hits close to home.

I grew up with this man, perhaps not literally, but he was always in my home.  He’s Peter Pan (Panning! Pan! Panning!), he’s waiting for us to roll a 5 or 8, he’s my favorite silly doctor and my favorite teacher. Yet, the only role I can really picture him in right now is in “What Dreams May Come” – it seems a little darker but a little bit more beautiful at the same time.

I don’t even know how to continue to broach the subject, except, that unless you have been there and experienced such despair, it is hard to understand why such a brilliant, generous, kind and overall stellar example of a human being decided it was finally too much to stay any longer. 

I once tried when I was 16. Thankfully, it  didn’t work and all I did was end up retching all night. I have fought depression for most of my life and it isn’t easy. I have had family attempt and a couple of friends “succeed”. Mental and emotional health should not be taken lightly, it can be utterly crippling. It is so important to be knowledgeable and in tune with the human condition, I cannot stress this enough.

So what can you say about a fella who brightened some of your most tumultuous years and so suddenly and  tragically left?

You’re right, Genie, I ain’t never had a friend like you.


The World

I’ve been in a straight-up shitty mood since I came across an article on CNN yesterday with the headline, “Christian Forced to Convert to Islam, Then Beheaded”, then of course followed by hearing about all those poor babies with similar fate. It physically makes me hurt. It makes me glad that I have the opportunity to be annoyed by my son when he’s having a cranky day.

Of course though, mainstream media has to get through all their celebrity news and gossip before they get to a 30 second clip about what’s really happening in the world. Disappointing.

It’s very, very scary to me to even feel somebodys anger, let alone full blown rage over anything – which, on the full spectrum, is usually repairable or within the moment. To know that there are people out there who feel justified in such behavior, to cause such humility before brutally beheading someone and turn right around and shoot a baby in the head is just beyond personal comprehension. I truly cannot imagine what these people are going through, how terrifying every second must feel. I only know how it makes me feel waaaaaay over here and it scares me.

It scares me because under the right (wrong, I guess) circumstances that could be any of us. Those could be our family killing or being killed. We’ve no choice to go about our daily lives, however, I hope we don’t all develop blinders to the realities out in the world. Most of our problems are minimal, temporarily frustrating or taking longer to solve or even get started on than we’d like.

You know what? That’s fine by me. It’s okay that my current annoyance is wanting that fucking cherry pie my mother-in-law brought home or my frustration at finding a feline friendly rental home up North. These things are temporary and annoying but they can be accomplished and don’t affect the rest of the world.

Please keep the less fortunate in your thoughts and be as kind to others as you can be – sometimes a simple gesture of kindness is all it can take to turn a life around. Let’s all contribute to GOODNESS in the world with our own actions and teach our future generations the same.

It could always, always be worse and well, it’s pretty bad right now.


I seem to get just as nervous every time I step on the scale as I did the first time I decided I was going to do this. Seriously, I spike my blood pressure and gotta calm my shit down before I do it. Holding in all that negative usually results in a negative result so I try really hard to get all of that out of my head beforehand. It’s a silly game that will someday end, I hope.

That being said, let’s get to the weigh-in:

Starting Weight Feb 2014: 261.2lbs
Weight Last Week: 216.9lbs
Today’s Weight: 214.9lbs
Weekly Loss: 2.0lbs
Total Loss: 46.3lbs

Now, onto measurements. I haven’t done any since July 15. I don’t have my starting numbers or last measurements numbers up, but I did write my current as of today, next to the name of the area. I wrote myself a little chart on a small pad of paper so, I’m just gonna post that. 🙂


Measurements next to area are current, chart is for inches lost since July 15 and total inches since Feb 17

I’m pleased with my weight loss, an even 2lbs feels pretty good. I also can’t believe I am so close to having shed 50lbs. Even moreso, ONEderland is in 15lbs.  What the? HEYOOOO. I actually don’t like the phrase “onederland” but I think the aesthetics of the word mess with my head.

I am also pretty happy with my measurements. I wasn’t upset about gaining in my arms because I’ve really been working them and my back. I also measures under my bust today as my sister pointed I should be doing. I felt like a dummy when she explained it. Haha. I am vanity-upset about my lack of overall progress on my thighs. My family has pretty meaty legs anyway, but come on! Ah, whatever. July was definitely more of a cardio and flexibility month. So, not a loss!

I feel pretty good. Soon I will be 6 months into this and I’ve hit very little real physical roadblocks; some muscle pulls here and there, a couple plateaus but nothing too major, yet. Most of my roadblocks are in my head, emotional and mental. It’s a process, gotta remind myself

Next goal is 210.

I feel fortunate to have been focused like I have and I hope to continue to keep it up. 🙂