Wah, Wah: Weigh in

Well, my weight didn’t change this week. Sitting at 202.6-8ish.

Then my son stressed me out on weigh #3 (I don’t know why I do it 3 times. Feel like if it says the same at all three then it must be true, ha!), and my weight shot from 202ish to 206. I know that sounds weird, but if I can’t get to my weigh in super calm and collected it totally shows on the scale. So, it wasn’t consistent after that. It kept jumping around and my son kept screaming so I’m taking the first 2 weigh ins as correct.

Not going to lie, I feel sad and slightly discouraged. I know I shouldn’t. I know my body recently went through trauma and is probably trying to hold onto what it’s got as a result. I knew my big loss last week could lead to a plateau of sorts this week. I know I didn’t drink enough water (truthfully it hurts to drink much still if it’s not tepid. Sensitive healing gums). I also know I had a donut and some brownies last week and even though I was under calorie goal those days, I am sitting here silently scolding myself for not being better or stronger.

After I could start eating after my oral surgery I went through some crazy craving stages. I wanted everything to eat in the house. I remained under goal every day but that feeling was intense, like I had to start this all over again. I was over the brownies the day after I ate them. Good. But I was still crazy HUNGRY. It is silly to feel bad when I know my body is trying to recoup and heal and get rid of infection but here I am, not being nice to me.

My cravings have died down and I’ve resumed my [now] regular eating habits. I am still continuing with my plank challenge and I’m still technically ahead of my goal schedule of under 200 by October 25, which is our anniversary. So, why be so mean, B? Geez.

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So, I waited all day to see if I really wanted to post the above. It’s real life though, this is hard. It will not always be easy, sometimes we get “stuck”. I’ve rationalized with myself over the course of the day and was able to spot my weak and strong points. I’m also trying to give myself more credit since I am not even two weeks out from having oral surgery.

That being said, I was able to dust myself off. I stretched for a long time and completed my plank challenge for the day. I didn’t go balls-out on food, in fact, I was slightly under the minimum of 1200 – I tend to forget to eat if I am upset so, eek. Trying! I also made sure I got in my water even though it hurts my phantom broken tooth.

Some positive things:

My Uncle is now home recouping from his surgery to remove colon cancer. I am relieved and he seems to be in good spirits!

My son, albeit definitely on the heels of terrible twos, is willingly giving me hugs these days without me showing or prompting him. The fact that I am the only one he gives them to is a personal bonus. Taking it in while I can! Also, his curly hair. He’s a fun guy.

My felines are shedding some lbs and their coats are getting much healthier. Thanks, Science Diet! No really though, it’s expensive but I am pretty sure it’s gonna save my very own Garfields life (not his name, just who he resembled, attitude and all).

Hubs seems down to get with the entire program with me instead of just diet alone. I am hoping this means more family walks and setting time up for each other to work out solo or together. 🙂

TRYING to pull some silver linings out of today. Ha. Good night!

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Feeling…..bleu

Today I feel…. a little melancholy.

I really miss my family and my friends further North in the state. I am in a perpetual state of “broke as f….” and I know my soonest trip up will be late October for a friends wedding (which happens to be on our wedding anniversary, not sure how that will work out time-wise). I know it doesn’t seem like too far off, but my heart and soul ache for my loves. All of them.

I learned a few days ago that my Uncle had/has colon cancer. He’s had surgery but he’s also had complications – his system isn’t functioning properly and he’s throwing up green liver bile. His words. That’s the last I’ve heard and that was on the 18th. He’s been in the hospital nearly two weeks. I didn’t even know about this Uncle until maybe nine years ago? I didn’t even get in touch with him or meet him finally until late 2009/early 2010. I think I’m the only one of my siblings that has met him, save my brother who discovered him living so near us back when he was delivering pizza. True story. I can’t count on my Dad to provide information as he likely doesn’t have any or doesn’t care or even know (half-brothers) and I don’t have his wife’s phone number. The only person I can get updates from is my Uncle. Pickle. Big ol’ pickle.

That very same brother who found my Uncle years ago was in the area this weekend visiting his kids. He let me know he was nearby. Given our tumultuous past and his former drug problem, I found myself surprised that I was excited to hang out with or see him. That changed quickly when I text him this afternoon to see if he had started his trip back yet and I got a “leaving now, maybe next time”. Well, okay.

I understand we don’t have space to host people or even some sort of reserve for trips and things but dang, man. I’ve spent most of my life always traveling to see others, picking people up, dropping them off, being an ear, a shoulder, anything. I have always and still, do for others. I know Karma is coming some day with some bitchin’ news, I am just feeling impatient.

Even some of the friends I’d like to see most don’t even live in the same state. I need trips to WA, UT and CO. Or I need people from these states sent my way. Ha.

I don’t know why I’ve had such a hard time making friends here. I suspect it’s because initially we thought we would be here for six months so I didn’t want to get attached. Then it was more about the community – lots of seniors and people mostly needing a helping hand versus an actual friend. No one near my age with or without kid(s). After I had my son and ballooned up again I just got depressed and decided to stop trying. Now, it’s a little different. People have moved in with kids in the area and I say hello when we are all outside but no one stops and chats here. A quick nod and a how-do-ya-do. So impersonal. It’s not for lack of trying, anymore; people don’t seem to have time or patience for inter personal relationships or happenings in their own neighborhood. Makes me a little sad. Also pretty sure I just answered my own question!

Ahhh life, just gets a different kind of complicated as we get older.  This too, shall pass…… 🙂

Tuesday: Weigh-In Day & my face

I really wanted this post to happen much earlier in the day, but that’s alright. I feel like there’s a lot to get to but that might just be in my head.

So, let’s start with weigh-in stats!

Starting Weight Feb 2014: 261.2lbs 
Weight Last Week: 207.5lbs
Current Weight: 202.6lbs
Weekly Loss: 4.9lbs
Total Loss: 58.6lbs

No measurements until October! I’ve gone monthly!

I knew I’d probably lose at least two pounds due to the oral surgery but I was not expecting a loss of nearly 5lbs! I am so close to the 100s. The last time this frame was there was roughly half my life ago!

It’s been hard to eat or get enough calories. I’ve been trying my best, but it’s mostly been yogurt, soup, string cheese (to exercise my jaw and also because its delicious), a potato mashed with skin on with ketchup or sour cream. That kinda thing. I figure potato carbs are okay since I’m not getting what I usually do down the hatch. Also sticking with at least one or two Ensure a day to make sure I am getting my nutrients.

I’m not sure how long this hurting-to-chew thing is going to last but I’m not digging it overall. Sometimes I panic and I’m pretty sure my jaw is going to lock and never open again but… that’s silly. I mostly just want to eat everything now that I can’t and my appetite is back. I did get myself some chocolate raspberry Greek yogurt tonight. I hope that fills my chocolate craving. It’s strong, my friends. The red devil is upon us. Well, me.

I am healing well, I think.

It’s been hot, hot, hot. Can’t take the boy anywhere because it’s too hot plus, not supposed to expose myself to the sun for prolonged periods of time while antibiotics; luckily tomorrow is my last day of those!  We are all getting cabin fever though and the house hasn’t been under 80℉ for weeks, even at night.

I decided to continue my Plank Challenge today since I spent most of yesterday in a cleaning frenzy (am I the only one who feels the need to detox the whole house after a couple days down and out???). I figured if I had the strength and energy to clean all day then surely I could continue my challenge. I’m on Day 5 @ 25secs/plank style. Side planks with arm and leg lift are still killing me but I am getting more sturdy! I will continue with this and walking for awhile since any type of bouncing around still hurts my face.

My best friend sent me a goody bag. An old phone of hers to switch to for now (need to get the right size SIM. So still on my wonky phone for now) along with some homemade bracelet things. They never would have fit my wrist let alone my ankle six months ago. I love them, I love her. She knows it’s the little stuff; the more homemade the better!

Here’s some pictures just because.

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One of two aforementioned homemade bracelets from the best. The other is on my ankle. 🙂

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THIS IS REAL LIFE. Healing progression photos. I wanted to remember when it started feeling better as reference for when I have to get the other side done. See though? Saturday looked like I gained fiddy in my face. Also, because of shitty lighting and a broken phone I didn't even notice the gigantor bruise on my face until today.

Anyway, maybe tomorrow I will have something more of substance. How well are you tryin’ to get to know me? I mean….

I’d like to leave you with a link to this video. It is beautiful for the eyes, ears and soul. L., I think this may be right up your alley. I hope you love it as much I do. I don’t push music off unless I mean it. 🙂

Master of Tides – Lindsey Stirling: http://youtu.be/RrutzRWXkKs

Dental Surprises

Well I went to the mother-login’ dentist/oral surgeon on Thursday for an extraction of a very sad molar of mine.

Imagine my surprise when they told me, since it was approved, that they were just gonna go ahead and remove all my wisdom teeth, too. UHHHHHHHHHHHH. What? Why wasn’t I made aware of this ahead of time? Five teeth versus one is a big deal, in my book. I had to scramble around to call my husband and tell him what was going on.

My appointment was at 3:30pm but they didn’t even numb me until about 5:00 or start on my teeth until a quarter to 6pm. The oral surgeon told me to hold off on my left side, as the top not-so-wise tooth there is too close to my sinus cavity still. So, I had three teeth extracted instead of five, but I still only went knowing about one.

My insurance only covered intravenous nitrous, so I was awake for the entire thing. I caught glimpses of dude breaking my bottom-right impacted wisdom tooth and pulling it out. Pretty gross, also kinda cool but fuck. If I had the extra money to pay to go under I would have.  My already-broken molar was the most painful. Apparently it was way infected up there (even though I went last week and he told me it was not, liar). I imagine had they given me antibiotics last week for the infection this may not hurt as bad as it does now.

Alas, it really hurts. I cried like a big baby all night last night. Some weepy shock, I suppose. It was pretty terrible. Today my face is much larger. It looks like I’ve gained all my 50+ pounds back in the one side of my face. Okay, a little extreme but still. Not cute. Totally hurts. Wah wah.

I went and picked up some Ensure for myself today as a result of my liquid diet restrictions for a few days. I got the strawberry kind. It doesn’t taste very good. Kinda like chalk mixed with strawberry milk even though it’s lactose-intolerant friendly.  So, I definitely won’t be getting my calories in or probably even enough water for a couple days. Sigh.

I guess at least I didn’t have time to build up anxiety about starting the process of removing my wisdom teeth. Or maybe this will catapult me into the 100s and out of the 200s? Not a super healthy way, granted, but it would have had to be done at some point regardless. At least I am trying to get my nutrition in with the Ensure!

Tomorrow, hopefully, I will look less like a boxer and more like a girl.

Weigh-in/Stats

Hello again, Tuesday.

Let’s get right to everything:

Starting Weight Feb 2014: 261.2lbs 
Weight Last Week: 210.8lbs
Current Weight: 207.5lbs
Weekly Loss: 3.3lbs
Total Loss: 53.7lbs

I did my measurements today since the last time I did them was August 5th. I’m glad I decided to go monthly:

Lost 2.5″ on my chest and another 2.5″ under my bust. 1.5″ off my waist, 0.75″ off my hips, a combined total of 1.5″ off my thighs and 0.25″ off my calves. No changes in my neck or arms!

Total inches trimmed since 8/5: 9
Total inches trimmed since Feb: 46

I’ve also done the math and I’ve lost just over 20% of my original body weight when I started! I went ahead and gave myself a “DAAAAANG GUUURL!”

Ahem.

Here are some chart type of things to show you all my progress so far!

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3 month weight progress chart from MyFitnessPal. Looks like this was my "big drop" before I come up on a bunch of small ones again, eh? Ha. We will see.

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February measurements versus today, individual and total inches trimmed.

In addition, I decided I want to try The 2 Week Plank Challenge, so I started today. It involves five different types of plank (straight-arm, elbow, side(s) with leg lift and a reverse plank – Day 1 starts at 10 seconds/plank – you know how it goes. Rest every 3 days, repeat with longer reps. I thought it would be easier than it was. I breezed through the straight arm and elbow. The side plank with the arm and leg lifted made me feel…… weak. Ha, something to work on, I suppose. I enjoyed the reverse plank more than I thought I would. Its challenging but I really like the areas it works. I imagine I may not be able to complete this in two weeks but I am giving it a whirl.

Probably not the best time to start as I am having a broken tooth extracted on Thursday….oops? Thursday is supposed to be a rest day anyway! I will be glad to have this tooth out of my face. It broke two years ago when I was about 6 months pregnant and the insurance I have is finally letting me get it out so I’m gonna do it. I also need my wisdom teeth out because those are super bony impacted. I have a picture of the xray that I think is cool but they’re my teeth so. Probably shouldn’t post it? My earrings are my favorite part of the xray. 🙂

Phone is still busted. Here’s what the “front” camera view looks like.

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Noooooooooooooooooooooooi

Now, I bid you adieu.

This Happened!

Today I sent a text to a friend from another state to check-in on her week. This is, if you remember, one of the friends who reached out to me a couple of weeks ago.

We chatted, she told me she got a personal tracker, things she was able to successfully give up over the week, things to work on. I talked about water consumption, my weaknesses, how hard it was at first, about measurements vs the scale and told her I was always here if she ever came to a point where she felt discouraged. It was a good exchange, it made me miss her so much.

Then, she turns around and tells me, that she hopes it’s okay but she sent my progress photos to her mother. Apparently, I’ve become her mother’s inspiration and when she’s feeling yucky she takes a look at my photos for inspiration. Oh my goodness. I about cried. What a wonderful impact to have not only on a good friend, but to extend that beyond and into her family (where they can support each other, too! Bonus) is just… wow. It feels good.

I wasn’t expecting that now or ever, really. Some days I still fight so much with myself to move more, snap out of it or to give myself credit. So this.. this kind of makes all that personal turmoil worth it. I did do it, I am doing it, I am positively impacting my personal community – which, by default, pays itself forward – and I am doing great with my overall progress physically and otherwise.

I guess this is exactly what I want or wanted. Not directly, I just mean… I want all of my friends and family to be happier versions of themselves, though not everyone has the same demons. I want to enjoy their company, maybe even your company, for years to come. We all have it in us to make positive and healthier changes for ourselves. It starts with us.

My journey thus far have not been easy and I know struggles lie ahead but I feel a little more ready to face them after today.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Weigh in and check in

My phone is still cracked and taped to hell. I tested the laptop out, processor fan is nearly dead so, there’s that.

I’ve been trying to keep up with everyone on here but it looks like I will need to some serious backtracking once I get something I can see and read properly on. Until then, a few quick updates!

Weigh in:

Starting Weight Feb 2014: 261.2lbs
Weight Last Week: 211.2lbs
Current Weight: 210.8lbs
Weekly Loss: 0.4lbs
Total Loss: 50.4lbs

Not a huge loss but a loss and I will take it. 211 is gone. Also, I found out, I am only 5lbs heavier than one of my older brothers! Fair fight! Granted his is more muscle than fat but the bullied-by-her-brother teen in me is screaming “FUCK YES!”

My Fitness Pal has readjusted my daily calorie goal from 2000 to 1910. When I started using MFP in June I was at a daily goal of 2100.

Add me, I need more friends/motivation, please! pbandjax@Gmail.com (yeah, I created an email for blog and fitness-related shenanigans)

Measurements next week.

Confessions:

I didn’t do super well on food tracking and water intake. It was hit or miss all week and although my food choices weren’t awful I know I do better when I track.  I do know I stayed under calories because I know the way I eat. I rarely get over 1500 these days. I don’t feel starving ever, though.

I ate some cookies for the first time since February. They were good, but not the way I wanted them to taste. I take that back, they were awesome out of the oven otherwise, meh.

Gettin’ Physically Fit

Not a bad or great week. Got in three or four family walks, a bike ride, several stretching sessions and a circuit training workout. I would like to up the ante on my workouts, hence wanting more MFP buddies. I only have one semi-active person out of six on there.

During my circuit training I was able to do five, count ’em! One, two, three, four, FIVE regular push-ups (and then five knee supported) per circuit on Friday. WHAT? YAY! Ten real pushups and I actually did them, not without jello-arms for several hours after but I did it! Major personal NSV.

‘Tis all for now, hope to see you on MFP!