Ladies, please….

I am having a problem.

My problem is paranoia.

My paranoia is about getting pregnant when I’m in the middle of this journey. I am not ready for another kid, quite yet.

You see, I got pregnant on birth control (the pill) with my son. I also know I was not super diligent about timing and around said time, I know I had some “make up days”. Urgh.

After I had my son I tried depo and it helped shoot me from 238 (which was my 6 week post partum weight, my pre pregnancy weight had been 235) into the 260s in a matter of six months and told my Doctor no , just no. He recommends the IUD at the time but they were out of them, so I got on the pill, again.

Now, though, I take it at the same time every, single, day. I even account for daylight savings time and all that. However, as far and few between as intimate times are with the hubs (mostly living situation circumstances), I cannot help but be paranoid that I’ve gotten pregnant until my period starts every time we do.

So, obviously this is plauging me now. I spotted kind of some days after the last time, which made me nervous. I also know my period has not been what I thought it was all these years as I’ve dropped pounds and inches. In fact, it’s basically a little different every month now since about May. My red devil is supposed to show up next week but I can’t shake the anxiety about this until it starts. Or doesnt, I guess.

So I guess my question is, am I the only one? Is it normal to get freaked out like this? My son is almost two, its not like he was JUST born. But its gotten to the point where even though I want to do it, I equally don’t out of fear. I’ve talked about it with my husband and he seemed to get the words I was saying, but not the feeling.

I guess, I feel a little selfish for wanting to continue to work on my health and my weight loss before we have another kid. This stupid game I play with myself is just that… Stupid. I don’t know how to stop the cycle though and I don’t want it to have a negative impact on my marriage. I don’t feel like my paranoia and anxiety are fair to either of us.

I am aware I could still choose the IUD and I even had an appointment in August – that I ended up canceling. One, it didn’t seem right to use a five year device for a year or less (family planning talks and all, my husband is much older than I am). Two, I’m no longer cool with the idea of putting and leaving a foreign object in my lady business. Uhhhh.

This post has been TMI. I apologize, but I need to put my crazy somewhere…. Ha.

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6 thoughts on “Ladies, please….

  1. Did I mention how ridiculous I feel when it DOES start every time? Or how I tell myself I’m just gonna chill out this time and not think about it and never do?

    Ha…. Awww.

    😦 lol.

    • I still go back and forth about IUD. My docs office isn’t reliable about having them though and they basically put you on a waiting list.

      I want at least one more, maaaaaaybe two. This one drives me pretty nuts lately though so.. 😛

  2. One of my girlfriends got an IUD, and then she ended up getting married very soon afterwards (it was a whirlwind romance type of thing). She wasn’t planning on having a baby so soon after having so quickly gotten married, but soon she found herself pregnant even in spite of the fact that she had the IUD. Long story short, she ended up having an ectopic pregnancy, which, I guess, is very common in women who get pregnant while the IUD is in place. They ended up having to remove one of her fallopian tubes when they surgically removed the fetus. It was scary as hell. So just be cautious about IUDs if you do go that route.

    When you got pregnant the first time, it’s possible your weight might have altered the effectiveness of the pill. I have read a bunch of studies that discuss the fact that for women who weigh over 175 pounds, the effectiveness of both the pill and the patch are questionable. So far, they know that emergency contraceptives are completely ineffective in bigger ladies, but they’re kind of on the fence about the pill and the patch. Could they work? Yeah. But could they also be completely useless like EC? Yeah.

    I read about this and also talked about it with my doc, and that’s why I ultimately chose NuvaRing, and it’s worked PERFECTLY for me. I’ve had no issues whatsoever. I totally recommend it, and my doctor said it’s good for bigger women (not that you need to worry about that now, though, Ms. 100s!).

    Here’s some info I found for you about the pill and the patch, though, just incase you’re interested:

    “Nobody knows for sure how body fat may affect birth control pills or the patch, but there are a lot of theories. One has to do with the way our bodies break down medicines, also known as metabolism. Women who are overweight tend to have speedier metabolisms, so they break down all kinds of medications faster. A birth control pill taken by a woman with more body fat may be broken down faster than the same pill taken by a woman with less body fat—and the more rapid break down could make the pill less effective. Another theory is that overweight women have more blood in their bodies. In order for any medication to be effective, it must reach a certain concentration in the bloodstream. For women with excess weight and more blood, it may be more difficult for a medication to get to the right level in the bloodstream. But at this point these are just theories…”

    You can read more here, if you’d like: bedsider.org/features/164

    I hope you find something that works for you, though, B, so that you can stop stressing! I really don’t think it’s selfish to want to wait a bit longer before having another baby, honestly. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be the best you for your kids. There’s no harm in getting to where you want to be. ❤

    • I have no idea how I am just seeing your comment about this now!

      Thank you so much for giving a crap!

      My only problem with NuvaRing is……. Insertion. I’m thirty and I still don’t want to shove anything in my own vagina besides a tampon (which still took til I was twenty!). Is it hard? D:

      • No problem!

        I don’t think it’s hard at all, but, then again, I have no problem with insertion. I started my period when I was 12, and I refused to wear a pad–even on the first day. It makes me so uncomfortable to feel “messy.” Now I use menstrual cups, so NuvaRing is no big deal in comparison. 🙂

        NuvaRing is about the size of a hair tie (maybe a teeny, tiny bit bigger). It’s made from a plasticy, flexible material. You fold it into a figure 8 shape and then fold that in half so that it’s about the size of a double-stacked nickel. You push that up into your vagina and then it unfolds into its original shape when it’s up against your cervix. You leave it in for 3 weeks, and then you take it out on the 4th week to have your period. To get it out, you just gently pull.

        I really like it! Since it’s a once a month thing, it’s super convenient!

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